GLaDOS Smash Academy Application

[did_well_enough]

Out-of-Character Information

Name: Jon
Are you over 15?: Yes, I'm 18.
Time Zone: Eastern/Standard.
Personal Journal: dr_mcscience 
Reliable Method of Contact:
Aim: jongrim001
Plurk grim_d_slayer 
Anything Else?: Please use my aim for the main method of communication. Other than that? I got nothing.

In-Character Information

Name:  Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, also known as GLaDOS.
Game/Series: Portal
Teacher/Student/Other: Teacher and Staff.
Canon Point:  Post Portal 2, after she lets Chell go.
Age: Unknown.
Grade Level/Class Taught/Job: Computer Class teacher and Head of the Computer Lab
Dorm or Living Arrangement: A small chamber  located underneath the school would be lovely, even it's just empty with a bed and closet.

Personality: Saying that GLaDOS is a confusing being is like saying the sun is "a little warm".

It's a massive understatement.

Most people would describe GLaDOS using lots of negative words like "passive-aggressive" and "sadistic" and "a cold heartless murdering bitch of an AI"...and they would be right. She's a textbook narcissist, looking down upon others as being weak, pathetic, and beneath her, which is why most everyone is on the receiving end of her razor sharp tongue and condescending attitude. As such, GLaDOS is sarcastic when dealing with people whom she finds beneath her (read: almost everyone), but does so in ways that range from the victim wondering if she actually insulted them, to a more obvious and condescending type of sarcasm, both of which can cut like a knife if  the target lets it get to them. That being said, she has no qualms being blunt with how she feels towards a person that she hates. And let's be honest, the list of people she likes is very very short.

Despite her appearance when she arrives in the academy, GLaDOS isn't human: she's an AI. As such, she boasts a massive intelligence that rivals her own overinflated ego. She knows a great deal about a wide variety of subjects and has no problem with boasting this information. That does not, however, mean she will be out giving information to charity cases. If she knows something you don't, you're more likely to be taunted than helped, unless giving out said information somehow helps/amuses her in the end. Not to mention if the shoe is one the other foot and you  know something she doesn't, but wants to know...well...chances are she'll find out what she wants soon enough by whatever means necessary.

I mentioned earlier that GLaDOS will help someone if it means she gets something out of it. Well, that's pretty much how GLaDOS works: if it helps her further her goals she'll do it. And what are her goals? Usually screwing with people for science, also known as "testing", which she has to do thanks to the programming of her body. In a nutshell, this AI looks out for number one. She puts her needs and wants over others and has no problems with stepping on someone else in order to get whatever she has her eyes on. And to her, entertainment is a need. It's not surprising really, everyone wants to be entertained and amused...problem is GLaDOS has a rather sick sense of humor. How sick? She got bored of robotic testing because she could merely put them back together when she killed them and they were not afraid of dying. Humans, on the other hand, displayed lots of fear of the tests and of dying, plus said deaths were extremely amusing to her. So yeah, add crazy to the list of awesome traits she already has.

In addition to all that has been said, GLaDOS is also very manipulative. Despite being sarcastic, rude, and an over-all unlikeable person, she is in fact, capable of playing the "nice card". She can fake politeness in order to use someone. That being sad, she's more than able to: trick the target(s) into doing something, blackmail them, or even outright threaten them until they do what she wants. She's a clever girl, knowing just which buttons to hit in order to get the reactions she wants, and which people to use them on.

However...despite all the negative things mentioned here that paint her as a monster...she does have a heart somewhere in that CPU of hers. And her name is Caroline. You see, GLaDOS isn't your run-of-the-mill AI, oh no. She was in fact originally a person...a person who was forced into the body of a super computer so she could run the Aperture Science facility....which is probably what made her go crazy. But during Portal 2, after being separated from the GLaDOS body for so long, she started to gain more humanity. And though she now has the body back, Caroline is still a part of her, GLaDOS merely lied about deleting her. To be blunt, that means there is still some humanity in her. So it is technically possible for her to actually develop relationships with people other than seeing them as simple test subjects. Keep in mind just because it's possible, doesn't mean it will happen overnight. It will take time and patience before anyone cracks that cold hard exterior of hers.

Oh yeah, and she's scared of birds. Why? One tried to eat her when she was turned into a potato battery. She now thinks all birds are killing machines. So yeah...I'm sure a bird crashing into a window will scare the hell out of her. Fun times, indeed.

Backstory: Link to wiki here.

After the events of Portal 2's main story mode (not including the co-op mode) GLaDOS gets to work on testing the new robots of hers...or would have. She kind of got sucked into a portal that appeared in her chamber. After traveling through said portal she crashes (quite literally) into one of the academy's hallways.

You can imagine her shock.

But that was nothing compared to when she realized she now had a (mostly) human body. After she got over the shock,  hell broke loose as she tried to hunt down who was responsible for this. After interviewing quite a few people in the school she finally discovered the perpetrators (The Hands). GLaDOS confronted them and ordered them to send her home immediately, but it didn't work. Instead, she got stuck as a teacher and head of the computer lab. She wasn't happy about this at all, so after a bit of discussion, she obtained a mostly empty chamber underneath the school to serve as her lab/living space, and was given permission to recreate her old body. It wasn't the best compromise, but it would have to do.


Anything Else?:  GLaDOS' human body looks like [this] and her computer body looks like [this].

Her "human" body functions exactly the same as a human's does except:

• She does not digest food the same way normal humans do. When she eats or drinks something and it gets to her "stomach", it automatically becomes fuel for the body and powers it. No matter how healthy or unhealthy the meal or beverage is, she can consume it and it will still produce the same results. Eating too much, however, can cause her to feel sickly, though it doesn't make her gain weight. It also means she doesn't have to remove waste, because there is a certain limit to how much she can consume...which is a lot, by the way. She doesn't need much energy and food doesn't give a lot of it, but the amount she can contain before the cut-off is quite large.
• Her sensors are still in-tact, though limited. Meaning, she is able scan objects and people for information like height, mass, and body heat, but that's about it.
• Her mind works more like a machine than an actual brain. She can record information and delete it at will.
• And finally, she is able to upload and download her consciousness into a computer mainframe, but this skill will be completely reserved for when she gets her body back and nothing more. Unless...she became like a potato again.
• Her body does not age nor does her appearance change much. Even if her hair was cut or  a body part was damaged, it would return to normal in a matter of days/weeks depending on said incident. Losing a limb or what have you would obviously take a long damn time to regenerate, while replacing cut hair may take like a day.

When she gets her old body back, I will be setting up a permission post considering how dangerous she can be with it. Because you know, all the testing, turrets, neurotoxin, etc. can be pretty deadly.

Also, the part of her body where she goes into "withdrawal" if she doesn't test will be limited, as she doesn't have the ability to test in the new location. If I were to keep it at max, she'd probably end up being non-functional, so...yeah. Can't have that.

In-Character 1st person sample:

[It had been a fairly normal day at Smash Academy for GLaDOS, all things considered. But that didn't mean much, when you take into account that nothing in this school was normal...which oddly meant  everything was. Not normal was the new normal, but it hardly mattered much. The brats whom she was paid to teach listened to the best of their abilities (which wasn't very good, all things considered), and at least she was closer to getting her body back. Not to mention for some reason or another, she really didn't despise working here anymore...it was more like dislike now.

A large improvement to an AI like GLaDOS, at least.

Currently, she was sitting at her desk finishing up paperwork for the hands (which Crazy Hand would probably make into a lovely paper airplane or origami swan...again) when she decided to take a short break. She got up and walked to the door, her mind on tomorrow's lesson plan ideas (or how to make the brats lives living hell) when suddenly she stopped. There was a paper wedged in the doorway. How could she not have noticed it before? Had she really been that distracted?

A frown formed on her face as she raised an eyebrow. She grabbed the paper which turned out to be a plain white envelope with "fOr GLaDOS" written rather crudely on it and walked back to her desk. Sitting down, she swirled her chair back to face her computer, opened her desk and took out a letter opener. Carefully, she opened the envelope and tossed it in the shredder after she plucked the paper out of it.

And then she read it...and her golden eyes widened before narrowing, a scowl present.]

What is this trash?

[It seemed to be some sort of bad love poem. But not only did the words themselves sound stupid, they were spelt entirely wrong and the execution was hideous. GLaDOS would have at least been amused before she found out and rejected whoever this was...but this was an insult to language. It was probably one of her students thinking they were funny. Well, that was alright, she mused with a sadistic grin forming. They could have loads of fun in detention.

She then went over to her computer and accessed the network, turning on the video function of her computer.]

So. I suppose one or more of the students in this academy think they are very clever, pulling a little..."prank" on Ms. GLaDOS. Did you really think I would let you miscreants get away with something like this letter I found in my office? I've already done a scan of all the possible suspects, not very bright of you to hand write it, you know. The legibility is atrocious, which narrows it down to a few students in my class. Though...I suppose it is entirely possible that someone not in my class wrote this note.

[A moment passed as she attempts a very obviously fake sad face and tone of voice.]

Which will make the list even longer. However...I am not one to let the perpetrator of this offense get away, oh no. That would be unfair, after all, he or she must learn the consequences of their actions. So, I will be calling in every single person on this list for a week long detention. And it will be mandatory.

[A bright smile, oh this is too fun.]

That is, unless someone comes forward and lets me know who did it...or you confess. Either or, really.

[She then turns to look directly into the camera, as if staring into the person who did it's soul.]

And to whoever did it, have fun being thrown under the bus.

[Feed ends with that creepy smile of hers.]

In-Character 3rd person sample:

It had been only a few days for GLaDOS as a teacher and already she was starting to wish someone would kill her. This school...this bloody school was out of its damn mind. It all started when she looked at her schedule and found out she had a morning class. Morning classes were not on her list of favorite things. Those bratty kids hardly paid attention to a single thing she said enough as is. But in the morning? God help her if she tried to educate those morons. However, there were two good things about morning classes: scaring the sleeping kids awake and pop quizzes. Was she even supposed to test them on this subject? I think the real question is who in the school gives a damn.

Anyway, after the absolutely riveting class that morning, she was grading the papers like any good teacher should...and getting a kick out of all these answers, even reading some of the questions and answers they put out-loud. "What is the basic unit in which computer memory is referred to as? ...A) ...pounds per square inch." she put the papers down once they were finished and rubbed her temples. "Isn't it illegal to be this stupid?" a sigh escaped from her mouth as she picked up the papers and got up from her computer chair.

She had a habit of keeping things neat and organized, not to mention doing things on time. As such she wanted to go and puts the quizzes in the class folder. Opening up the file cabinet, she moved her fingers through the folders of her other classes, looking for class "F". Fitting, considering that's what most had for an average. Or what they deserved, anyway. Finally, she found the file and opened it, putting the quizzes away. She closed the cabinet and locked it. "There, done."

The teacher was planning on going out for a coffee break, since she didn't have a class for another half hour. However she stopped moving towards the door when she heard a sound, like  a revving engine.  No one would be moving a car (certainly not at those speeds from the sound of it) near her room. But then she remembered that there was a Driver's Ed course for the students today. "Probably off to terrorize the city. I think  I'll head down to the cafeteria and watch it on the news. Might be interesting." and she kept walking.

While she headed for the door, she decided to check to see who was running the Driver's Ed course today at the school. She had put the list in her memory banks in case she had been on it, and searched for today's. However, the revving started to sound like it was getting closer and closer to the room. Finally, she found who the person running it today was...and she looked utterly horrified. According to the list...Crazy Hand was it.

"Well...this won't end well." and sure enough, CRASH! A rather large car smashed through the left wall of the computer lab, leaving GLaDOS to stare at it blankly as it trashed several desktops before finally stopping at the corner of the room. Luckily, it was the corner GLaDOS was far away from, so she was uninjured...physically, anyway. Mentally...well her brain was hurting pretty badly.

"GAH,  WHAT  IS  WRONG  WITH  YOU?! I  TOLD  YOU  TACO  HUNT  WAS  RIGHT,  NOT  LEFT!" yelled the massive hand from inside the car. Meanwhile, the student driver...who looked like this happened everyday merely deadpanned. "That was right, sir."

Dead silence followed for a few minutes, as no one said anything. Finally, Crazy Hand spoke  "DO  NOT  SPEAK  BACK  TO  ME, MINION! ONWARD, TO  CANDYLAND!" with a sigh, the student driver put the car in reverse and drove out through the wall, but made yet ANOTHER hole in the room as he took off.

GLaDOS proceeded to rub her temple with both hands. Too many things went through her head at the moment..namely how that idiot got to be vice principal. But finally, she gave up. She took a look at the clock...and sighed. Five more hours of this..."I really hate morning classes." was the last thing she said before exiting her room to get a janitor...and a nice wall to bang her head against, maybe.